24.06.08 :: when you've got lighthouse on the brain ...

i definitely think i've got lighthouse on the brain. wait a minute. those aren't ...

are they kidding me with this sh*t? i know a candy-maker who's out of a job this morning. sheesh!

timmy :: mommy, mommy! i like the gummi lighthouses that have more girth than length! those feel the best in my mouth!

mommy :: yes, timmy, i know you do. just don't tell your father.

posted by lonestarsteve on tue 24.06.08 7:51 AM

i'm sure not many who visit here know this, but i'm tracking you. well, actually, "tracking" is just a tad bit harsh and slightly untrue. let's just say that i'm aware of what many of you were searching for online before you found me here. (don't worry. i'm speaking in a very broad sense here. it's not like i could track what each and every individual out there was searching for on the internet. or could i?)

you remember that moment though, don't you, gentle reader? when you excitedly filled-in your string of keywords in the search field on google.com, then clicked "search," (or: "i'm feeling lucky, miss jackson," if you're nasty), and then followed your search to this page, to lonestarsteve.com. it was then that you said, "what the hell? this isn't what i wanted! how the hell did i get here from: "nick lachey crowbar foot massage peanut butter and jelly."

(that's what she said.)

alas, since i have your attention anyway—and just to do homage to some of things that you really wanted to view and read about—i've compiled this little list of the top 8 things you were searching for on the internet that lead you to me, lonestarsteve. please enjoy. and happy hunting, you freaks. (you know i love you more than my luggage).

.:top 8 keyword searches that lead you to me :.

001 :: "eddie cibrian."
this is by far the most-searched keyword string that pulls cyber-searchers in this direction. it's funny because i wrote about cibrian way back in december 2005 when he was starring on abc as sexy park ranger russel varon in a science-fiction drama called invasion. the show sucked, but it had cibrian in almost every scene, so i watched it, sick, dimented f*ck that i am.

he never did take off his shirt though. not even once. i don't know where this picture of him is from, but who cares? cibrian has done a handful of movies, but is probably best known for his guest spots on tv.

most recently, i saw cibrian on abc's ugly betty playing coach diaz, the gym teacher of betty's nephew, justin. he catches the eye of betty's older sister, hilda. and, yes, this time his shirt comes off. can i have a "thank you, jesus!"

002 :: "steve needs."
i can't believe that people still actually search using this keyword search formula. wasn't this google trick established way back when the internet was invented by al gore in 2000? spare me...

003 :: "deepthroat x-ray."
this refers to a photo that i posted back in june 2006. i'm not going to re-post the photo here, however, but if you have never seen it, it's in the archives.

004 & 005 :: "jonathan jesensky" and "eloi eloi lama sabachthani tattoo."
these two keyword search strings refer to my numerous postings about one of my all-time favorite models, jonathan jesensky (aka jonathan west, for all those diehard gay, bi, and trisexual porn fans out there).

i have two framed photos of jonathan in my apartment that were taken by photographer steve henry. jesensky also has a web site that links to more photos here.

it wasn't until october 2006, believe it or not, that i even knew who jonathan was. he is immediately recognizable—even when his head is cropped out of any photo—due to his distinctive tatoo above his navel that says: "eloi eloi lama sabachthani", or "my god, my god, why have your forsaken me?" there's probably a reason for the tattoo, but i've never discovered it.

006 :: "kelly lebrock."
i wrote about kelly also in october 2006 when i was disturbed by the fact that ms. lebrock had let herself go so badly and was now starring on one of those celebrity weight-loss shows. i think she's since lost the extra weight. if so, good for her. if not, there's always weird science 2: return from the fat farm.

007 :: "andrew johann salgado."
i was introduced to this talented young canadian artist in november 2004 when a very close friend gave me a hand-drawn rendering of tori amos for my birthday. the image is amazing, as is the artist.

in this work, tori's face is actually composed of an original hand-written script that is painstakingly repeated to 'carve' the contours of tori's face. the piece is called suitcase: bats&love (a lesson in ethicism).

the poem is this: "...like an unborn fetus, or maybe the yolk of an egg, unfertilized. waiting to hatch before my alligator mother. i will have to be vicious. ferocious. an angry piece of flesh. i must fend for myself and prepare for the clink of sterilized silver-pharma-ware. the earth like a needle. people's blood made of nylon, teflon, rayon, and carbon. i'll dance with gold pom-poms. i'll give you my mortgage. i'll give you my pc my tv my ac. they'll fight to be racy. i watch them destroy the glass in their doors. although i am afraid i dig up potatoes and eat crushed red mangoes."

008 :: "johnny please please, stop pretending."
this phrase, of course, comes from george michael's song, cars and trains. i wrote them first in june 2006. they are listed again below.

cars and trains

mama's gone and got herself a new man
it's a shame, he's the same
mama please please, stop pretending
this time, it won't end in tears
i find myself, with a new daddy
my mama needs love you see
guess she don't wanna be lonely

and nobody's keeping score
i don't say hi to those guys no more
said mama can't you feel me
holding my breath as they knock, knock,
knock on our door

you're just taking your ass
to the top of that building
throwing yourself under cars and trains
taking the pill that you know will kill you
under the wheels,
the same, the same ...

johnny's gone and got himself a new man
he gets laid, every day
johnny please please, stop pretending
this time, may just end in tears
take care of yourself
because you won't find 'daddy'
when you're popping those pills
oh johnny, is the danger just part of the thrill?

and nobody's keeping score
johnny those guys that you shake it for
i said, "johnny can't you hear them
saying mama knows best as they knock, knock,
knock on your door"

you're just taking your ass
to the top of that building
throwing yourself under cars and trains
taking the pill that you know will kill you
under the wheels, the same, the same

taking your ass to the top of that building
throwing yourself under cars and trains
taking the pill that you know will kill you
under the wheels, wheels, wheels

pretty girl, little girl,
what were you thinking
just 18 at the time
you were a mother and child, at the same time
you were a mother and child
so young and fucked up baby
always higher than a child should see...
forgive me

to the top of that building
under cars and trains
taking the pill that you know will kill you
under the wheels, wheels, wheels

mama don't you let him stay
from bastard to loser, hurt you, used you in every way,
mama, don't you let him stay, please
don't let him stay
i said jesus, mary, and the saints above,
won't you show him love?

-- lyrics by george michael

posted by lonestarsteve on mon 23.06.08 7:15 AM

watched kathy griffin on bravo last night. she's back for yet-another season of my life on the d-list. so glad she's back for another season. she always makes me pee my pants.

with emmy in tow from last season, kathy's latest scheme is to win a grammy—or at the very least, be nominated for a grammy.

she just released what might be her first comedy album, for your consideration. it's a recording of a live show in tracy, california. you can buy it on itunes. it's $9.99. not that i know.

good luck, kathy. i wish you all the best with your award. keep making me laugh.

posted by lonestarsteve on fri 20.06.08 7:58 AM

so, i will be entertaining out-of-town guests starting next week. actually, they are not so much guests as they are biological family.

you see, since moving here to the bayou city at the end of 1995, my family has only come to visit me from pennsyltucky twice.

once, in 1998, a year after my ex and i bought our home, my mom and dad flew down to stay with us. we had a really great time. they used houston as a makeshift hub for 2 weeks worth of excursions: to the grand canyon and las vegas and even new orleans. while they were here, we also drove them to visit san antonio and galveston.

then, in 2002, my older brother came to visit solo, without his girlfriend. i think he had fun. his visit corresponded with the very peak of a very difficult time in my life—and a very drunk and high time in my life—so i don't recall much about it. all i remember was that it was pride week, and we took him to see the gay freaks parade down the street and i half remember abandoning him and my ex because i had scored some coke.

good times.

but this visit should be a great one. he's married now, and he and his child bride will be swinging through houston-town on their way back from this music festival. (yes, they be likin' their reggae music, mon). i intend to give them a big ol' slice of lonestarsteve's houston, for better or worse. hell, if they have a good enough time, the word might get back to other members of my family and i might have nothing but visits from them throughout 2009.

careful what you ask for.

posted by lonestarsteve on thu 19.06.08 6:59 AM

word of the day for saturday, june 14, 2008

prink \PRINGK\, transitive verb:
1. to dress up; to deck for show.
2. to dress or arrange oneself for show; to primp.

tara has supermodel legs and is already getting used to being prinked and coiffed as she prepares for her first beauty contest in the autumn.—raffaella barker, "diary hatched, matched and almost despatched", daily telegraph, sept. 6, 1997

the point is reinforced by a clutch of contemporary art photos…showing plump nudes prinking and preening like pouter pigeons, and, in one case, a couple of dancers deliberately posed to recreate a degas painting.—hilary spurling, daily telegraph, jan. 23, 1999

prink is probably an alteration of prank, from middle english pranken, "to show off," perhaps from middle dutch pronken, "to adorn oneself," and from middle low german prunken (from prank, "display").

posted by lonestarsteve on mon 16.06.08 7:02 AM

flipping through the channels can be dangerous. the main thing i've discovered is that tv has changed -- changed a lot -- since i was young. hell, it's changed a lot since i graduated college. and not necessarily for the better. examples of this abound, but probably the most profound is the mtv "reality" show shot at v.d., er, i mean, shot at love with tila tequila.

in case you haven't had the pleasure, the premise of the show is simple enough: take 30 twentysomethings -- 15 "straight" men and 15 lesbianese (all with low self esteem and no future job prospects) and allow them to "live" and "interact" with one fiesty, sex- and attention-crazed 26-year-old asian bisexual internet celebrity. sound like fun? well, it sure is.

and just in case you're saying to yourself, "hey, i've heard of this before. wasn't there already a show about all of this?" well, rest assured there's a simple explanation: this season is tila's second shot at love. get it? tila's first shot at love ended. so now she's looking for love for real.

uhm, check please.

press reports state that tila's first shot at love, with 25-year-old film student bobby banhart, ended before the start of the year. you mean, the relationship didn't last? shocking.

so double-t is at it again: looking for love in all the right places. last night aired the next-to-last show of the second season, which featured tequila visiting the hometowns of the final four "contestants." you have to admire her, uhm, stamina.

stay tuned. i'm sure it's going to be another cliff-hanging season ending. fingers crossed for you, tila.

posted by lonestarsteve on wed 11.06.08 8:23 AM

starr doom is taking me to see them tonight. how excited am i?

i wonder how much they will play that i remember from when i was just starting college, and just beginning my gay life.

the last time i saw them was in pennsyltucky. i was only 15 or 16 and was actually slam dancing with my fellow concert-goers.

i didn't follow them much after that since robert always seemed to write about love and women, and that just didn't do it for me.

but i love their free-spiritedness and their spunk and grunginess.

will robert's hair look the same as it always did?

will i be crushed in the mosh pit?

and, most importantly, has my black t-shirt even been laundered?

tune in and find out...

i don't care if monday's blue
tuesday's grey and wednesday too
thursday i don't care about you
it's friday i'm in love

monday you can fall apart
tuesday wednesday break my heart
thursday doesn't even start
it's friday i'm in love

saturday wait
and sunday always comes too late
but friday never hesitate...

i don't care if monday's black
tuesday wednesday heart attack
thursday never looking back
it's friday i'm in love

monday you can hold your head
tuesday wednesday stay in bed
or thursday watch the walls instead
it's friday i'm in love

saturday wait
and sunday always comes too late
but friday never hesitate...

dressed up to the eyes
it's a wonderful surprise
to see your shoes and your spirits rise
throwing out your frown
and just smiling at the sound
and as sleek as a shriek
spinning round and round
always take a big bite
it's such a gorgeous sight
to see you eat in the middle of the night
you can never get enough
enough of this stuff
it's friday
i'm in love

posted by lonestarsteve on mon 09.06.08 7:23 AM