30.01.07 :: avian invasion [read: channeling tippi hedren]

on my drive home from work every night, i take a route that has become more and more frightening to me with each passing day.

i don't know what it is about this time of year, or this particular intersection, or these exact same power and phone lines, but everytime i approach this intersection (and, subsequently, a couple more intersections beyond this one) i have to close my sunroof and pray that these birds are all collectively clenching their bird-ass cheeks so as to prevent the contents of their seed-laden bird-bowels from emptying out all over the roof and hood of my car. and the noise they make!

i swear, i expect to look over in the passenger's seat of my car and see tippi hedren sitting there with her hair all amuss, a look of shear terror on her pale white face. she'd say, "drive slowly. you don't want to upset them. please don't upset them."

then the asshole bubba in the ford bronco behind me lays on his monstrous v8 horn and shouts out his window: "the light's green, you faggot!"

ah, i just love houston sometimes.

posted by lonestarsteve on tue 30.01.07 7:29 AM

it's been a while since i participated in half-nekkid thursday, but i'm getting back into shape now and more likely to become half-nekkid at anyone's slight request. so, here you have it.

in this photo i'm ...

001 :: looking up my chimney to see if birds have nested there for winter;

002 :: sticking my ass into the center of the room for better balance while stretching; or

003 :: was leaning over to find a contact lens on the carpet when i was startled by a 8-ft nekkid man in my bedroom.

you be the judge. happy hnt!

posted by lonestarsteve on thu 25.01.07 7:27 AM

i meant to post these photos earlier this week. they are from a hotel 80s party i was invited to on saturday night. i was at a loss for what to wear until my date, sheri, told me to think "duran duran." so i did. and would you believe that i didn't have to shop for a thing? i got everything i needed from deep within my closet.

i downloaded some group photos of simon and the crew (think: duran duran in the gayer years) and after rooting through my closet came up with a netted shirt, white belt, striped pants, black hat, faggotty shoes ... i was good to go. and go i did.

sheri got most of her stuff from my closet as well, come to think of it. she brought a black cropped gold lined shoulder-padded jacket. and from me she got zebra gloves (fingers cut off), a black boostier, a red "jodi whatley" skirt, black fishnet stockings, and chains for her boots.

the stuff for sheri's outfit wasn't from my regular closet, as you might suspect. rather, it was from my other closet ... the one that holds all the drag crap that i've hung onto over the years in the event of a dire drag-fundraising emergency. i like to give back to my community: when i can, in any way that i can. that's how i roll.

our friend mark went all "miami vice" on us. and sheri and i even got a cover shot taken. needless to say, we looked great and had a f*cking great time. i'm wondering what next year's theme is going to be? hmmmm?

posted by lonestarsteve on wed 24.01.07 11:12 PM

since the new year began, i've been on a serious [read: twisted and painfully ocd] organizational kick in my apartment. first thing's first: organize shoes. get rid of those i don't wear and find something sturdy to hold all of them (not including sneakers and sandals, of course). and -- voila! -- with just under $100 investment, and a good ol' 30% off sale on elfa shelving at my local the container store, i'm a happy (hush) puppy. observe the organizational madness bliss below...

peace out, chickies. i'll be touching base with you all more often than i have in the past. this i promise. i'm having a f*cking stellar year so far, just so you know... more details to follow.

posted by lonestarsteve on tue 23.01.07 2:38 PM

new year, new you
i have to say -- and i am not just blowing smoke up your collective skirts -- that so far this year, i have had the best 18 consecutive days of my life. hard to believe? what exactly do i mean?

basically i have made a pact with myself, effective the first day of 2007: to be better. better in everything. take better care of myself. be better to my friends and family. listen better. set goals (obtainable ones) and work toward accomplishing them.

i have some really good stuff going on. i'm back to the gym (before and after photos to come at a later date) and i'm taking tango lessons on wednesday nights. i'm also trying my best to keep in better touch with people, those near and far. it's like these garden signs in my sponsor's front yard: live, laugh, love. that's very much the long of the short of it.

of course, all this renewed interest in being "better" is a work in progress, as is everything in life. but i simply can't remember any other time in my life when i've felt so hopeful about most everything. and so committed to accomplishing my goals.

i'll have to let you know how it's going. whether the momentum continues. check back and see.

one-thousand four-hundred sixty-two
that's how many days it's been since my last drink (alcoholic) or drug (nonscript). in layman's terms, that's 4 years and 2 days. tuesday was my sobriety anniversary. just 4 years ago, i was washing antidepressants down with big-ol' cups of vodka with just a hint of cranberry juice. and that's not all i was doing. i had alienated myself completely. i was living out high-drama, but only in my own head. and i took down with me anyone within range of my slow spiriling of the drain. can you feel me? but how times have changed. and, really, so much has changed. too much, in fact, to detail in this space. but let it never be said that an old dog can't learn new tricks. because i can. and they are much better ones than i could have ever imagined.

peace out, dawgs. i promise to start writing more often. updating more. it's just that i've been busy with life and whatnot.

posted by lonestarsteve on thu 18.01.07 7:13 PM

hey girl, i got somethin' real important to give you
so just sit down
and listen

girl you know we been together such a long, long time
(such a long time)
and now i'm ready
to lay it on the line

well, you know it's christmas and my heart is open wide
gonna give you somethin'
so you know what's on my mind (what's on my mind)

a gift real special
so take off the top
take a look inside
it's my d*ck in a box

not gonna get you a diamond ring
that sorta gift don't mean anythin'
not gonna get you a fancy car
girl you gotta know you're my shinin' star
not gonna get you a house in the hills
a girl like you needs somethin' real
wonna get you somethin'
from the heart
(somethin' special girl)

it's my d*ck in a box
(my d*ck in a box, girl)
it's my d*ck in a box
(my d*ck in a box, girl)

see i'm wise enough to know when a gift needs givin'
(and i got just the one)
somethin' to show you that you're second to none

so all the fellas out there with ladies to impress
it's easy to do, just follow these steps
one ... cut a hole in a box
two ... put your junk in that box
three ... make her open the box
and that's the way you do it

it's my d*ck in a box
(my d*ck in a box, girl)
it's my d*ck in a box
(my d*ck in a box, girl)

christmas
(d*ck in a box)
chanukah
(d*ck in a box)
kwanzaa
(d*ck in a box)

every single holiday
a d*ck in a box
over at your parents' house
a d*ck in a box
midday at the grocery store
a d*ck in a box
backstage at the cmas
a d*ck in a box

yeah, well, well, well, well
d*ck in a box
d*ck in a box
d*ck in a box

posted by lonestarsteve on wed 10.01.07 7:01 PM

oy! what a week. what a weekend. my week last week was a busy one -- at work and personally. so busy, in fact, that i opted to take a half day off of work on friday to catch up with all the other ka-ka that's going on in my life at the moment. some good. some not so good.

over the weekend, i was bitten (but good and hard) by the home-buying bug. and once bitten, i let my imagination run completely wild. so wild, in fact, that i found myself on sunday in the living room of a $500,000 home, talking to a realtor, thinking that i could actually sign a piece of paper and just be done with it. that day. lonestarsteve ... homeowner.

but not so fast. last night i had the foresight to have a "come to jesus" meeting with a friend of mine -- and a real financial whiz. he ran my numbers again, and we came to the collective decision that there are some things on my side of the street that need attention before i take the head-on dive into home ownership. and you know, as disappointed as i was being told: 1) what i didn't want to hear, and 2) that i would have to actually do some work before getting what i want, when i want it, i am so glad that there was someone willing to spare my feelings enough and to tell me the honest truth. i am most grateful to him. and i told him so.

all that said, i'm in a relatively good mood as of late. the year has started out for me with a lot of clarity of thought (mental). i'm finding myself to be good company in my own company (emotional). and i've finally made my way back to the gym (physical). after about a week it felt as though i'd never left. the biggest hurdle? getting over the initial soreness that comes with breaking in muscles that have completely atrophied over the last year. but, onward and upward, as they say.

hope your year is shaping up as well.

posted by lonestarsteve on tue 09.01.07 2:07 PM

massages are wonderful. especially those that just make you want to pass out afterwards, like the one i had last night.

whenever you indulge in such a luxury, however, make certain that your digital camera is somewhere closeby so that you can ask your masseur -- for $20 extra, of course -- to photograph you half-nekkid so that you have something to post on any given thursday.

happy hnt to you all! and happy 2007! may the year bring you many, many wonderful and surprising half-nekkid moments. personally, i'm counting on it doing just that.

posted by lonestarsteve on thu 04.01.07 6:48 AM

when you think about it, the practice of using jan. 1 as the demarcation point between what's past and what's to come is incredibly arbitrary. why give one day, one in 365 identical days, such power? i suppose it could be that we, those living the human experience, have this innate need to grasp onto some point of finality (death) and, on the other side, some point of continuation (new life; possibility).

we need a day (a single moment) to pause; to analyze, assess, and hopefully release (turn over) those events that have occurred to make us who we are. happy or sad. painful or not. rewarding or unfulfilled. old endings are sometimes painful, but i think that the hope and excitement that comes with new beginnings far outweighs any grief suffered. yes? no? maybe?

follows is a pictoral year-in-review of sorts. i wish everyone a new year full of possibilities and promises.

january 2006 :: project runway, season 2, was in full swing. we were introduced to such indelible characters and zulema, nick, santino, and of course, andrae. miss chloe dao, a houston native, made the cut to become winner of the season.

on jan. 16, 2006, i collected up my 3-year chip. three years of no drink, no drug. god willing, i will celebrate 4 years on the 16th of this month.

also, leaving this earth was carol, who brought so much joy and laughter to all of us. her suffering was immense, but she did so with such dignity, style, and class. you will be missed. always.

february 2006 :: events at lambda kept all of us busy. one of my favorites was the mardi gras parade, during which we got to see edward shirtless (there is a god). be still my, uhm, heart.

march 2006 :: at the 78th annual academy awards, ensemble film crash won best picture of the year, snubbing the four other nominees: brokeback mountain; capote; good night, and good luck; and munich.

other awards went to philip seymour hoffman, best actor for capote; reese witherspoon, best actress for walk the line; george clooney, best supporting actor for syriana; rachel weisz, best supporting actress for the constant gardener; and ang lee, best director for brokeback mountain.

april 2006 :: speaking of edward shirtless, the boy turned 22. do any of you evenremember 22? i know i don't. and speaking of edward turning 22, has anyone seen the boy? i don't think i've seen him since his last birthday party...

may 2006 :: my older brother and his girlfriend finally get married. great wedding. even better reception. it was great getting to travel to pennsyltucky to attend the event and to see some of my other friends.


june 2006 :: nothing much happened in june. it was just really, really hot for most of the summer. temperatures were in the 100's for a stretch of days. global warming, what's that?

july 2006 :: project runway, season 3, starts up. and so does the greater houston area gay project runway support group. i really miss you guys, you know that? when does season 4 start anyway?

i also started hanging out more with my upstairs neighbors, phara and mikas. those two totally rock! mikas took some photos of phara and i.

august 2006 :: project runway, season 3, contestant keith michael tips the scandal scales with his pattern-making books and a trip to an internet cafe to e-mail his boyfriend. yikes!

september 2006 :: i attempt to quit smoking (again) and fail miserably (again). i'm not worried, however. that's why god created new year's resolutions, right?

october 2006 :: i turn 28, for the 9th time. onward and upward, i say.

also, i have to say that the most enjoyable fundraising event this year was the drag auction. thanks to everyone who participated and helped to make it such a complete success.

november 2006 :: i start to participate more in half-nekkid thursdays. i'm shooting for more consistancy this year.

december 2006 :: my annual christmas trip to pennsyltucky. and getting to see my nephews. they totally rock this planet!

posted by lonestarsteve on tue 02.01.07 7:14 AM