31.05.06 :: from the producers of desperate houseboys ...

... this is just plain wrong on so many levels i can't even begin to tell you ...

... now playing at a conservative u.s. senator's private chambers near you ... i give you the davinci load ...

... i give it two thumbs up ... way up (*wink* *wink*) ...

... just wait until falwell and his gang get their hands on this little gem. christ. we're all going straight to hell. i'm just sayin' ...

posted by lonestarsteve on wed 31.05.06 8:10 AM

were it only that easy. on your turn, spin a wheel, shout out a letter, watch vanna walk across the letterboard and touch the corner of your guessed letter to illuminate it, [sidenote :: when did she stop having to actually "turn" the letters? and why did they ever change that? was it really that difficult for her to physically turn the letters?] and slowly but surely, the puzzle is disclosed, and you take your guess at the answer ...

i have been in a haze of sorts. floating. disconnected. way too much on my mind to bring me back down to earth. certain things are too perplexing to think about, sort out, find a solution to. i let these things sink into my brain until it actually hurts my head to think about them, and then i just dismiss them as unsolvable, and let them go again.

what specifically? friends for one. i've been going through a period now where some of my friends -- my core set of friends -- all have seemingly unsolvable problems. all at the same time. when does that ever happen? it's supposed to work out that sometimes friends are up, and sometimes down, but never all down, you know?

and as much as i want to be there for each of them (and i am always there for them) i just don't have the strength or energy (or answers) to handle all things at once. i'm exhausted from it. my head hurts to think about it. it's like a friend of mine said at a meeting the other day: if we were all to throw our problems out into the center of the room for each to choose another, we would most likely (and gladly) end up taking your own problems right back. so it goes that i've got enough on my plate as of late. i don't have the solutions for others. i don't know the answers. i feel as though i would be guessing all the wrong letters, and vanna would just gaze back at me with that look of pity and that fake frown as if to say, "you stupid schmuck. my 3-year-old neice could have guessed this one. and she's got a.d.d."

phrase :: _ h e n | o n e | d o o r | c l o s e s | a n o t h e r | o n e | o _ e n s

can i buy a vowel, pat?

posted by lonestarsteve on tue 30.05.06 6:37 AM

i'm taking some time today to update (add to) my "links" page. i wanted to add photos of those bloggers who i have photos of (kind of creepy that i'd have photos of you, huh?)

anywho, if you don't like what you see of yourself, just send me another photo you like better. use the "contact" link above to do that.

and thanks for reading.

the links page is a work in progress; i've posted what i've completed so far. i took a vacation day today and have some errands to run. i'll finish later on today.

happy hump day, ya'll.

posted by lonestarsteve on wed 24.05.06 11:25 AM

i've been getting such constructive feedback lately about this site.

one gentle reader informed me that i do not update this blog often enough for his taste and that when i do, it's the same old crap day after day. yet, when presenting his thoughtful criticisms, my fan neglected to leave a link to his own blog site, you know, where he writes something witty everyday, something that doesn't merely pander to the masses. where he writes something thought-provoking and clever. something that no one else on the www has ever realized or discussed before. that blog site, the one that doesn't just describe the boring, day-to-day events of his life, but goes beyond, linking these events with real meaning and therefore giving insight into the world as we understand it. his blog site, the one that doesn't post pornographic images of men just to attract hits; the one that doesn't gratuitously name-drop, or belittle, or offend.

so when i get the link to his site, i'll let you all know so that we can be saved from all these cut-rate blogs and read something that's really worth our precious time.

<<< >>>

later that same day ... jesus, i can be such a bitch sometimes. this behavior, of course, was much worse when i was drinking. i could verbally bash someone without them even knowing what hit them. i was sneaky that way. they weren't even sure that they were being insulted. i would love to do this in front of as many people as possible. i would love making the joke as widespread as i could, involving as many eyes and ears that would look and listen.

nowadays, i'm not such an überbitch. not even a megabitch. just a minibitch. and even then, it takes a lot to get me going. nowadays, i think before i slur people, especially out in public or around friends. i just don't think it's right anymore -- or fun, for that matter -- to slam someone verbally just for the sake of a laugh or to prove that you're more intelligent, or superior, or clever. especially since in 9 cases out of 10, you're probably being a bitch to someone who you're jealous of. they have something or possess some trait that you envy. and that pisses you off. and you take it out on them the only way you know how.

by ripping them a new one.

posted by lonestarsteve on tue 23.05.06 2:20 PM

ok, so yesterday's post was just a tad on the cryptic side (not to mention just a wee bit harsh and chock full o' angst with just a touch of bitterness). all things considered, the timing of it was appropriate (and therefore justified) at the time. now, however, things have changed just a bit and its impact has been diminished. that's life for you: always changing.

i was thinking for a while that i would have to cut someone out of my life (at least for the time-being) who has been in it for a little over a year. this was due to many, many factors. but now that i've had time to think about the situation, i've come to realize that there just might be something salvageable, some stray thread that's strong enough to keep the relationship tied together, albeit tentatively.

and that's all i have to say on the matter, really.

posted by lonestarsteve on mon 22.05.06 2:06 PM

housecleaning
i always liked housecleaning
even as a child
i dug straightening cabinets
putting new paper on shelves
washing the refrigerator
inside out
and unfortunately this habit
has carried over and i find
i must now remove you
from my life.
-- nikki giovanni

posted by lonestarsteve on sun 21.05.06 1:18 PM

i can't seem to stop this mind of mine from racing. when i'm sleeping, it's ok. it's when i'm awake that worries me. what are some of the things i'm obsessing about lately?

will i ever quit smoking?














will i ever get that arabic boy who hit my car last wednesday to fix it, or am i just kidding myself?











just what was robert doing to shawn behind that tree last saturday?



















posted by lonestarsteve on wed 17.05.06 7:39 AM

the june 2006 issue of out came in the mail saturday. paris hilton dons the cover in a black-and-white head shot harkening back to the hollywood goddesses of the 1940s-50s. she looks strange in that i've never seen photos like this of her before, but they are fucking flawless (photos by tony duran for out).

receiving the issue made me realize that summer is actually coming closer and closer. it seems like it was just a few months ago that i was lying on the beach in nags head, n.c., enjoying the company of my family while new york went dark with a city-wide blackout. but that was last august. time ... just flyin' on by.

this issue is filled with all things "hot," as paris would say. it includes a photo spread filled with the boys of summer, grillin', chillin', and otherwise illin'.

the hot list includes my boy jonathan rhys-meyers, sandra oh, and kristen bell. i'm yet to see mr. rhys-meyers starring alongside tom cruise in mission impossible iii.

sadly, the issue also contains an ad for the newly released motorola pebl, which is now available in three other colors besides black. i knew i should have waited to buy mine. live and learn...

posted by lonestarsteve on mon 15.05.06 7:45 AM

went to a picnic today. we had hot dogs and potato salad and played volleyball and madonna. very hot day for it, but i love to sweat on the volleyball court.

what i also liked about the event was getting to see -- and hang out with -- so many of those people who i only see in passing at the center or out in life. you know, those people who you say "hi" to every time you see them, but not much else? you know them but you never get to know them? and i also found out that some of those people can kick some real ass in volleyball. please remember that we play every saturday at 2 p.m. e-mail me for further details.

other than that, since getting back last sunday from my big brother's wedding, not much else has been going on. work is work. home is home. i'm in a real lull period right now. just nothing is happening. nothing good; nothing bad; just nothing. can't complain. things could be much worse. i just am getting bored with the day-to-day crap. maybe i can stir up some trouble tonight...

posted by lonestarsteve on sat 13.05.06 6:22 PM

is there ever a time when you, like, don't cry in the kitchen?

posted by lonestarsteve on thu 11.05.06 6:36 AM

my boy did it again. one of my favorite gay authors, augusten burroughs, has written and published another collection of essays called possible side effects: true stories. his web site has more details on the new book, as well as information on the release of running with scissors, a soon-to-be-released, star-packed movie based on his second novel. his third novel, dry, was one of my all-time favorite books ever.

i actually got to meet augusten in houston at a book signing at the end of 2004 (jesus, was it that long ago?) when he was in town promoting his first essay collection, magical thinking: true stories.

what i remember most about augusten's reading was his laid-back, down-to-earth vibe. i blogged about it at the time: "in running, he describes a childhood that was less-than-average (and actually kind of fucked up). and in dry, he details his alcoholic bottom and how he achieved some serenity through recovery. and to see him now -- confident, relaxed, on top of his career -- was quite amazing. i really look up to him, and if i were to accomplish a fraction of what he has, i would truly be a happy man."

i still feel this way, very much. his promotional tour of the new collection does not include houston, unfortunately. plus, now that he has hit the big-time, he is almost impossible to get in touch with. when i posted about him in 2004, he responded to me directly. i doubt that will happen again now. but i wish him all the best and all the success that he's worked so hard to achieve.

posted by lonestarsteve on wed 10.05.06 1:19 PM

posted by lonestarsteve on tue 09.05.06 8:17 AM

so, my posts have been sporatic lately because i'm traveling at the moment and a little out of my element. [read: i can't get a decent wireless connection to save my life in this ass-backward state, er, i mean, commonwealth].

my older brother's wedding is on saturday and i am a co-best man (yes, he needed two best men, because i simply was not enough). but i miss home. i miss texas. i miss houston. i always do when i travel. feeling out of my element is a challenge for me. i would like to say that i travel well, but in the end, i'm just a homebody by nature. but i make the most out of it. each and every time.

i also haven't really been keeping up with the skuttlebutt of my fellow gay bloggers as of late, so i'm clueless as to what's going on. and now that i'm being stalked by a spawn of jerry falwell, well, what can i say? i've arrived! i'm so happy for myself.

posted by lonestarsteve on fri 05.05.06 9:34 AM