26.04.06 :: you're so vain. you probably think this post is about you ...

let's just call this post a rant, shall we? yes, a rant. i've kept it all inside for weeks and weeks, trying to keep my composure, and now i've hit my outer limit and i finally have to vent. to purge. to upchuck.

firstly, i'm sick of having to work so hard in order to leave town. doesn't it always seem that way? you're excited about taking a trip away from where you live (far, far away) and there's all this shit you have to accomplish at work before leaving. not only that, but you know that upon your return to work, you'll have that much more shit to do once home. jesus.

second, i've got to do something to bump up the sensitivity on my e-mail spam filter. so much crap is getting through, and i'm over it. useless, meaningless crap. i mean, what use have i for viagra soft tabs? why do they even make soft tabs? are they trying to be oxymoronic? are you telling me that men who can't get it up actually now need assistance in getting a tiny pill down? and what's pfizer's tag line for these soft tabs anyway? "they're soft, so you won't be" or "chew it once, so you can do it twice?" jesus, we're all going straight to hell.

thirdly -- and i have no one to blame but myself on this one -- i need to catch up with my dishes. washing them, i mean (no, i don't have a dishwasher). reason being, this morning i had to stir my coffee once again with the back end of a fork. that's sad. what's next? eating off the top of a cardboard pizza box, no doubt. [note to self: look into getting a house boy, and quick!]

i went to see houston grand opera's performance of george bizet's carmen last night. my good friend, mark, landed free orchestra-section tickets. the seats were good ones, for orchestra seats, but we ended up leaving at intermission. the opera itself was good, but the action was moving too slowly for mark's liking, plus we were both so hungry we couldn't see straight.

i did manage to get the low-down on the storyline, however, because as much as i love opera, i'd never seen this particular one: the lead heroine, carmen -- a passionate, gorgeous, temperamental, and deliciously mysterious gypsy-cigarette girl -- wins the heart, mind, and soul of don josé, who is a corporal of the dragoons. don throws his promising career away after falling totally and blindly in love with carmen and, after deserting the army, takes up with her and her band of smugglers. carmen then turns her affections to a new man -- handsome and popular bull fighter escamillo -- and tosses don aside like a child bored with a new toy. unable to accept her rejection, don confronts carmen outside the arena where she awaits her new lover and he stabs her with a knife.

now there's something you won't see everyday on as the world turns. the thing is, though, all through the first half of the performance, especially as the cast was singing the toreador song, i couldn't help thinking about the gilligan's island episode when a fictitious broadway producer washes onto the island and stages a musical version of hamlet: "neither a lender nor a borrower be, and don't you forget, stay out of debt."

jesus.

we're all going to hell in a handbasket.

posted by lonestarsteve on wed 26.04.06 6:27 AM

this song still rocks my world ...

empires
by lamya

bring me men, bring me men to match my mountains
bring me men, bring me men to match my plains
men with empires
men with empires in their purpose
and new, and new eras in their brains

bring me men
bring me men who'll turn the page
men with vision
visions of a new age
who will not engage
in foreign rage and distant war
whose policies of peace
legends and legacies restore

bring me men
bring me men that do believe
you reap as you sew
give as you receive
bring me not kings
with arbitrary reign
prepare me the way
and let my freedom sustain

bring me the warrior
shepherd or leader
hunter or hider
whether a lawyer
doctor or teacher
spiritual preacher
wheeler and healer
spin doctor dealer ...

posted by lonestarsteve on mon 24.04.06 8:00 AM

haven't been posting very consistantly. what's that? i'm forgiven? thanks, i needed that. i knew that you weren't that fickle. i knew that you would look past my flaws. my mistakes. my misgivings. my human-ness. that's why you and i get along so well. you're always there for me. always watching, always caring. nurturer that you are.

among other things, i collect photography books, mostly of men. hot, muscular, scantly-clad -- most times completely naked -- men.

this is from one of my favorites: jeff palmer's sensual men. worth a look-see ... and then some.

boney apple-tit.

posted by lonestarsteve on sat 22.04.06 11:00 AM

i was doing a little internet research for my best man speech that i have to give in a few weeks and i came across this digital short on saturday night live's web site.

what's funniest about it is that all my life, people have told me that they knew my twin or saw my twin somewhere else in the country. i think we all have one. a dopple ganger that is. plus, andy samberg is such a hottie. i'd watch him watching paint dry.

[side note] from snl's weekend update co-anchor amy poehler :: "because of various security lapses, senators are calling for a probe of the security at the offices of the department of homeland security. the investigation will be conducted by the department of irony." [which is precisely why i don't talk about politics.]

posted by lonestarsteve on thu 20.04.06 2:03 PM

there's been a lot of chatter lately about gay parenting. and although it's not something that i've given much thought to for myself, it has got me to thinking: just what are right-winged, conservative heterosexuals so afraid of by allowing gays to adopt and raise children? are they fearful that gays' offspring -- once they become grown men and women -- will cause a future disproportionate imbalance in the workforce? too many hairdressers, flight attendants, auto mechanics, and gym teachers? and would that be such a bad thing?

truth be told, i can honestly say that i do not know one gay man or woman who has been raised in a family with two same-sex parents. (of course, i do know a handful of gay men and women with at least one gay parent who may have come out later in life). but you have to admit, it's kind of weird that most of the homosexuals i know were raised by heterosexual parents. i know i was.

and if that's not it, what other reasons are there? fear of molestation of the child? that could happen, but there are quite a few victims of molestation out there with straight abusers. so, again, an unfounded argument.

are opponents to gay parenting afraid that a child from a gay family will have more fashion sense than their own children? use more hair product? will be more well-read? will travel more on vacations to fabulous getaways? i just don't get it. i really don't. a loving family is a loving family is a loving family. what's the big deal about the parents' sexual orientation? i'd appreciate your thoughts on the matter.

while we're on the subject, however, i would like to send a big "thank you" out to may's issue of out magazine for reminding me that kids sometimes do make the best accessories.

posted by lonestarsteve on wed 19.04.06 5:19 AM

jesus, that 3-day weekend just flew on by. and what do i have to show for it? don't even ask. bowling on friday night was fun though and volleyball on saturday was even better. after that, most of saturday and nearly all of sunday i took a long visit to the land of nod. so very tired, this boy is. don't know why.

in other news, be careful about those little questionaires that you fill out on different blog sites. you never know when yours will be published online. this one involved revealing your blogger crush. i'm hoping that andy takes it all in stride. i'm yet to hear from him about it. fingers crossed.

mondays suck. but if they didn't, they'd call them something else, like "birthday" or "orgy." i hope you get through your day unscathed. lord knows i'm going to try to do the same.

posted by lonestarsteve on mon 17.04.06 7:54 AM

bowling was a blast. i actually broke 100 both games (yes, i'm that bad). everyone had fun. the fellowship grew stronger. a lot of money was raised.

i took these shots at the bowling alley with my digital while holding a toy kaleidoscope over the lens. thought they were pretty cool. pictured are ricky (who came up with the kaleidoscope idea), dani, edward, and yours truly.

posted by lonestarsteve on sat 15.04.06 1:42 AM

this post is dedicated to all of you poor mo-fos who have to go into work today. i don't feel badly for you, of course. after all, i know you weren't thinking about my happy ass when i had to work president's day in february and you didn't. so happy friday to you.

that said, the associated press reported yesterday that gay parents from all over this great nation of ours are vying for tickets to take their families to the annual white house easter egg roll on monday.

those from the right are saying that gay and lesbian parents are using the event to play politics. mark d. tooley of the institute on religion and democracy is quoted as saying, "i think it's inappropriate to use a children's event to make a political statement." oy-vey! you've got to be kidding me. does this guy kiss his ugly wife with that mouth?

gay and lesbian parents say, of course, that they won't be chanting or carrying signs at the event, but they will "wear rainbow-colored leis as a unifying symbol." after all, nothing says "my savior has risen" more than a multicolored lei. [the world is such a completely fucked up place anymore.]

i don't know what the big deal is. personally, i would only want to attend so that i could scream across the white house lawn, "did you look under the bushes? under the bushes?" quick way to get shot right there on pennsylvania avenue.

now, if a bunch of men showed up on the white house lawn -- with no kids, mind you -- dressed like they are going to attend houston's annual bunnies on the bayou event, then that's an egg of a different color.

posted by lonestarsteve on fri 14.04.06 7:30 AM

dropped into a bit of a funk over the past week. kind of fell into a deep k-hole, actually, without the "k," of course. i hate when that happens, but it does happen, and i get through it somehow.

depression is a bitch, ya'll. that's all i'm sayin'.

so, where from here you ask? well, i'm looking forward to having tomorrow off from work -- yes, it will be a 'good' friday. then there's bowling with the gurls friday night, volleyball with the menz saturday afternoon, and sunday's activities are open for debate. i could be having coffee sometime over the weekend with this little hottie i met about a year ago, but i don't think that he's interested in lonestarsteve in that way. shame. we could have had gorgeous children together and bought some diamonds or something.

as you can tell i'm not about blogging this morning, but i felt so badly about leaving ya'll hangin' that i just had to put something up here. i'm working on some long-ish feature-type posts that i know you'll like, but i'm still working on them.

spring is here. the heat wave is just beginning. houston is going to burn up this summer. you just watch.

peace out.

posted by lonestarsteve on thu 13.04.06 7:46 AM

last night a group of friends went out to dinner to celebrate edward's birthday (he's the young, gorgeous guy on the left; i'm the bitter, old troll on the right. just so we're clear).

this past tuesday, edward turned 22. you read that correctly: 22. do you even remember turning 22? i know that my memory is sketchy at best. now, i remember turning 21, but i don't recall many birthdays beyond that. i definately attribute that to the alcohol, and the drugs, and the barnyard animals.

oh edward, if i were only a decade and a half younger, and had more hair, and a better body, and more money ... you get the point: it ain't gonna happen.

but seriously, edward is one of the finest lads i know. he's beautiful and caring and kind and he's not even stuck up about his looks. so, i hope you had a great birthday, little one.

writing this post kind of reminded me of the eurythmics song 17 again. lyrics follow:

17 again

yea though we ventured through the valley of the stars
you in all your jewelery and my bleeding heart
who couldn't be together and who could not be apart
we should've jumped out of that airplane after all
flying skyways overhead it wasn't hard to fall
and i had so many crashes that i couldn't feel at all

and it feels like i'm 17 again
feels like i'm 17 again

time might break you, god forsake you, leave you burnt and bruised
innocence will teach you what it feels like to be used
thought that you'd done everything, you didn't have a clue

and it feels like i'm 17 again
feels like i'm 17 again
looking from the outside in some things never change
hey hey i'm a million miles away
funny how it seems like yesterday

all those fake celebrities and all those vicious queens
all the stupid papers and the stupid magazines
sweet dreams are made of anything that gets you in the scene

and it feels like i'm 17 again
and it feels like i'm 17 again
yes it feels like i'm 17 again
17, 17 again yeah yeah yeah

sweet dreams are made of these
who am i to disagree ?
i travelled the world and the 7 seas
everybody's looking for somehing yeah

posted by lonestarsteve on sat 08.04.06 9:36 AM

i ran out of time this a.m. to post anything of substance. instead of thinking about what to write this morning, i visited everyone on my blogroll to see what people have been up to. there are some bloggers out there (on my list, anyway) who haven't posted in quite some time. not to shame you or anything, but f*ckin' get to it! this is a big committment, people! once you're in, you better consider it like having a second job! enough said.

so, the photo that i chose to post today is from matt at debriefing the boys. i thought it was funny for two reasons. well, first off, this guy's legs are incredible. but the funny things are the parrot on his shoulder, of course, and the photo of who appears to be florence henderson on the counter off to his left.

could this really be florence's son? and if so, would she approve of his behavior? i mean, on the last episode of the surreal life that i saw, florence wouldn't even dress up as a dominatrix for the shooting of that smash mouth music video.

and i just love the hat's placement. just groovy.

it's friday. i wish you good tennis, good golf, or whatever makes you happy.

posted by lonestarsteve on fri 07.04.06 8:39 AM

i've been doing a lot of house-cleaning of my computer files over the last few weeks. it's been something i'd been meaning to accomplish ever since buying this new laptop about a year ago. i've finally dismantled my old dell -- may she rest in peace and glory in the name of our lord, jesus h. christ. gay-men.

but i digress.

in cleaning up my files (and in trying to equate some logical sense and order to the thousands of photos and images stored on my hard drive) i came across this gem. i got it from a blog site years ago, but don't remember from who's site i stole borrowed it from, but it was probably kurt at unprotected text or cyberkenny, both of whom have since taken a reprieve from blogging.

what makes me laugh most about this photo is that my younger brother and i actually used to do this. is that weird? in fact, this could very well be my brother and i. i guess that would make me the one with the skid-marked undies ...

... that figures.

posted by lonestarsteve on wed 05.04.06 7:53 AM

i wanted to send a shout out -- thank you -- to those of you who stopped over to find out what lonestarsteve was all about via best gay blogs. to clarify something, when they sent me the interview questions, i was thinking that they were just going to be used to evaluate my blog site; i didn't realize that they were the actual questions and answers to be used in the actual post. so, my answers were pretty straight-forward [read: lame] and not as clever as you all know i can be.

i've copied the interview -- as well as some elaborations on some of the questions -- under my "about" link. feel free to read more.

that said, yesterday was just horrible. the only good thing to come out of the day was my workout after work. it felt good to get back into it after a week off. i love my gym. now if only some of the hotties there would approach me and ask me out on a date. is that too much to ask? why not approach them myself, you ask? dunno. i guess i could try that sometime.

above is actually my smile, unenhanced (no photoshop or anything). of course, i do "treat" my teeth every now and again. it's really tough keeping them white while smoking cigarettes, drinking coffee, and giving blow jobs.

my dentist says that i should go easy on my "treatments," though. during my last visit he asked me just how white i wanted my teeth to get ...

"i'll stop once they're transparent," i replied.

posted by lonestarsteve on tue 04.04.06 8:18 AM

first thing's first. i just need to say that i dread this day more than any other during the year (yes, even more than columbus day). this spring my clocks ahead crap kicks my ass every year, for, like, an entire week. and the monday following the time change is the worst, especially if you have to work. so if you catch me sleeping at my desk later this afternoon, just leave me be. i lost an hour, for christ's sake. trust.

although i don't write much here about alcoholism or recovery, i had a pretty scary moment last night while out to dinner with one of my best friends, who also is an alcoholic/addict in recovery. we went to have an early dinner at baba yega, a local restaurant in the epicenter of the montrose -- he very core of gay houston.

we sat out on the patio to eat and while we dined, we watched the queens, young and old, parking their cars and prancing down grant st. toward their gay bar of choice (a majority of houston's gay bars lie in this central area, so i've been told, but i don't know from any experience ... not).

now my friend, who has about 6 months of sobriety, starts to talking about how good he feels and how he wished he could join the prancing queens in their sunday-night merriment [read: go out and get fucked up]. he told me, "i wish i could just get away with one night out, and not feel like shit the next morning." but, he explained (although he was preaching to the choir, in this case), that his "day afters" were always the same: after just a few drinks, he would want to (and would successfully) find coke or some other drug and away he'd go down that same road. for him it would be complete and utter misery the next day. regrets. loneliness. defeat.

the scary part of this incident is what i started thinking while listening to my friend describe his night out. i actually started thinking that i could successfully drink and party as well. i started thinking that i could get away with it. that i could go out that night, drink a little bit, drug a little bit, have some "fun," and then resume my regularly scheduled life the following day. this is the strongest that this feeling has hit me during my 3-year run being sober. what was scariest was that my mind really started to convince me that it would be ok to drink. that i could handle it.

but truth be told, i can't handle it. i never could. my drug of choice, as they say, was and always will be "more." enough said.

so, what did we do? we left the restaurant and went with "plan a," which was to hit a meeting. we both felt better afterwards: him much better, and me just a little bit. these feelings that i started feeling are something that i'm going to have to address with my sponsor and others in the coming days.

my point in telling you all this? just in case you don't know anyone in recovery, i guess it's just a reminder that those of us trying to "stay stopped" really go through our trials on a daily basis. and having more time under your belt doesn't make it any easier. if anything, more time sober sometimes serves as a trap, convincing you into thinking that you're cured. and that is just never the case.

so, for today, i guess i'll be ok. just thought i'd share.

posted by lonestarsteve on mon 03.04.06 8:19 AM