31.03.06 :: quick and dirty [read: running late ... yet again]

not much to report this morning. i'm creaming myself over the fact that it's friday, and payday, and all of that mess. i never thought i'd become someone to live for my weekends, but that's exactly what's happened. i need to do something about that. and fast. *sigh*

i don't have any major-huge plans for the weekend, but i will be attending an opening of an art studio tonight. the r.a.w. (recovering artist workshop) will be kicking off their newfound space at the francisco studios in downtown houston. the space will be home base for r.a.w., positive a.i.r., and international vibe tribe. organizers said, "hopefully many more classes and endeavors lead by individuals who long for a sober environment to express or display their artistic gifts will soon follow." here, here! good show, guys! it should be a blast.

in other news, today will be j.p.'s last day at work. i'm so seriously bummed out about his leaving. it was so cool for a while to have someone at work who "goes to my church." now i'm again the only "choir girl" in my office. *bigger sigh* not to mention that jp isn't too hard on the eyes ... who am i kidding, he's complete and total eye candy! but he is also partnered and very happy. i do plan to keep tabs on the boy, though. close tabs. good luck, j.p.!

by the by, i was informed by nick over at best gay blogs that i will be a featured gay blogger interviewee this sunday. nick has got quite a good thing going on there in new york. my only regret? that i didn't think of it first. damnit. once again, too slow on the uptake. yet another character flaw of mine. *huge sigh*

love & luck. make today count.

posted by lonestarsteve on fri 31.03.06 8:41 AM

just getting around now to reading april's issue of out, which probably arrived in my mailbox weeks ago and has been sitting on my diningroom table beneath a stack of bills, catalogs, and other magazines ever since. [read: my issues of men's vogue and freshmen must have been obscuring madonna's pretty mug.]

quite a benignant smile on our material girl, don't you think? well, i think that her smile matches her seemingly gracious outlook on life that she has today, at least based on reading her answers to denis ferrara's interview questions. this is her "first-ever" interview with the magazine, which i kind of find hard to believe, but if they say so, it must be true.

of course, this is all coming from a guy who is still listening to her cd, confessions on a dancefloor, in his car on his way to work, each and every morning practically since confessions was released late last year. the cd has found a semi-permanent place amoung the 5 others in my car's cd changer. laziness, mostly.

anywho, my point is that i just loved some of her answers to ferrara's questions. her interview is actually quite good, in other words. our girl is very down-to-earth and a realist, which is cool by me. examples of some exchanges follow:

out :: your children, lourdes [age 9] and rocco [5], are still pretty young. but do you think now of having to explain yourself?

madonna :: you mean artistically or my personal life?

out :: both.

madonna :: a little bit, a little bit with my daughter. rocco is still clueless. he is shocked when people on the street know his name. "mommy, they know my name!" but my daughter! she watched the "hung up" video, the part where i'm in the tunnel and dancing with all the guys, and she is like, "ugh, gross! this is disgusting, mom. why are you doing that?" and i am like, "because i'm having fun. this is what people do; they go out, when they are grown-ups, and dance and have fun." i try not to make a big deal out of it. oh, and she is really obsessed with who is gay!

out :: no kidding?

madonna :: and she even asked, "mom, you know they say that you are gay?" and i'm "oh, do they? why?" and she says, "because you kissed britney spears" [onstage at the mtv video music awards in 2003]. and i said, "no, it just means i kissed britney spears. i am the mommy pop star and she is the baby pop star. and i am kissing her and passing my energy on to her. like, kind of a mythological fairy tale."

<<< >>>

out :: now we have to talk about your apparently ageless appearance.

madonna: must we, and what do you mean, "apparently"? [laughs] there is an obsession with the way people look, something beyond what was once a seminormal interest in how celebrities looked and aged. i just did an interview for harper's bazaar and the lady is like, "so have you planned your big five-0?" and i say, "honey, i haven't even planned my next birthday party!"

out :: they want to rush you into the next decade and [make you] admit to plastic surgery.

madonna :: listen, once you pass 35, your age becomes part of the first sentence of anything written. it's a form of limiting your options and almost putting you in your place. for women, naturally. men still get a free pass, more or less.

out :: try being a gay man over 40, honey!

madonna :: oh, come on!

out :: oh, you come on. so how do you stay on your game physically?

madonna :: the older you get, the more money you spend on facials.

posted by lonestarsteve on thu 30.03.06 8:08 AM

i miss having a tub. sadly, i only have a shower stall in my apartment, but my old house had a tub. enough said.

[side note: this post could also be just like that game they used to run on sesame street -- "one of these things doesn't belong here, one of these things is kinda the same..."]

looks like i shouldn't give up my day job, because i'd starve to death as a tub model. *sigh*

posted by lonestarsteve on wed 29.03.06 7:42 AM

fuck. not too much time to post much before getting ready for work. i woke up this morning making love to my snooze alarm. she would say something, then i'd push her button, then ten minutes later she would say something else ... this lasted for an hour and a half. not a good sign. now i'm tired and bitchy and i'll end up taking it out on the first person i see at the office. i pity them. run from me. run.

yesterday's post really got a lot of reactions from people. i can't say that i'm surprised about that. it's a very polorized topic, one that i plan to revisit and expand upon sometime in the near future. poz guys have their take, neg guys have their take, and there are those in the middle who can see both sides. interesting, really. thanks to all who left comments.

speaking of ratatouille strychnine, this is kinda cool. found it when i was searching for pictures of "ratatouille strychnine." tori is such a fucking genius -- great literary mind and fabulous musician.

peace out, love & luck, and all that shit. here's to getting through another tuesday...

< < < > > >

... later that day: i just discovered that a new blogger i stumbled upon -- aron at men behaving badly -- wrote about me in his post today. i was (and am) so completely flattered. aron is a hottie in his mid-20's doing graduate work in west lafayette, ind. check out his blog using the link above. he's worth visiting regularly...

posted by lonestarsteve on tue 28.03.06 7:49 AM

i did absolutely nothing this weekend. i was a complete waste of air and space. except for playing volleyball yesterday (thanks, boys. i really needed that), i was as inactive as they come.

i did have some decent conversations with some guys online yesterday and today. i must say, however, that the pickins' are gettin' really slim in this town. i think that houston needs to be declared a homosexual disaster area, then i think we can apply for federal funding to pay for the importation of some more guys from other cities. i think that they have a surplus of hot, available gay men in miami and in new york. and in philly! god, i miss the philly boys so badly. if only it weren't so fucking cold up there. things tend to shrink in the cold, you know.

i did come up against a quandry, though, while i was chatting with some guys online. it's that hiv positive thing rearing its ugly head again. negative guys -- and rightfully so, in their defense -- are terrified to date and possibly commit to a positive guy. even if the poz guy has been healthy for years. it's a reality that i haven't found myself having to deal with in quite some time.

makes me kinda sad. really sad.

posted by lonestarsteve on sun 26.03.06 7:50 PM

true story: so i stop for a coffee at the local montrose starbucks. i'm in the driver's seat, with the door cocked open, cleaning out some of the crap in my console to throw away. out of the smoothie king stagger these two straight yahoos (young guys). they are roughing each other as they make their way toward my car. fooling around. pushing each other, etc. one of the guys -- let's just call him the ugly one -- pushes the other into my car door. the guy has a huge set of keys in his hands and i distinctly hear his keys hitting (scratching) against my car.

as he gets up from his fall toward my car, i say, "you want to watch your keys against my door." the ugly one says, "he didn't even touch your car." i reply, "yes he did. he fuckin' scratched the door." enough said. i'm angry. they walk away in a huff, cursing my existance on this earth. end of conflict. almost.

i go into starbucks, thinking nothing of the incident. i get my coffee, return to my car, click my key to open the door. problem. they came back to dump a 32-oz. smoothie king protein shake all over my car door and hood. the sticky trails of shake are already starting to harden in the night air.

i look around for them, knowing that they are probably watching me for my reaction. i am angry. i want to hurt them. i see nothing around me. i stick my middle finger into the air and make a slow, 360-degree turn around while at my car, just so they know i know.

what the fuck gives? what would you have done?

posted by lonestarsteve on wed 22.03.06 8:15 AM

i started this list back in january (l.s.s., 18.01.06) with the first 25 things about me. below is the next 64. only 11 more and i'll be done! sorry about the half-assed way of doing this, but it's my list and it will get done on my time. the complete list up to no. 89 can be found under my "about" link.

::: the next 64 things about lonestarsteve :::

026 :: i can read tarot cards
027 :: i've had only four occupations: dishwasher, lifeguard, waiter, and editor
028 :: in my next life, i want to be a dick dancer
029 :: i rarely discuss politics or religion
030 :: i missed a total of 12 days of school from kindergarten through the 12th grade
031 :: i dropped out of college during my sophomore year without discussing it with my parents or friends
032 :: i finally graduated college with a bachelor of arts degree in english
033 :: i'm glad that my parents pushed me to finish college so that i wouldn't have to work as a dishwasher, lifeguard, or waiter
034 :: i drive a bmw
035 :: i love my car, but i don't enjoy driving as much as i should, particularly in houston traffic
036 :: i've been clean and sober since 01.16.03
037 :: (so far, so good)
038 :: someday i would like to write (and publish) a novel
039 :: i would also like to own a house before turning 40
040 :: and i would like to retire at a young age
041 :: i don't have a clue yet how i'm going to accomplish items 38 through 40, however
042 :: i like receiving hand-written letters in the mail rather than e-mails from friends
043 :: i used to write nothing but letters to my friends, but now i only ever send e-mails
044 :: i have met unprotectedtext in person (a meeting i'll never forget)
045 :: i drink too much coffee and i smoke too many cigarettes ('bucks and butts, baby!)
046 :: i think that lists like this are an interesting way to get to know someone better...
047 :: ...but that doesn't make them any easier to complete
048 :: i'm not lactose intollerant, but i love soy milk
049 :: i'm not religious, but i consider myself a spiritual person
050 :: major turn-off: people who boast about how much money they have
051 :: major turn-on: down-to-earth, intelligent people (ok, muscles don't hurt either)
052 :: i live 1,300 miles away from where i was born
053 :: i am a romantic, but i am also a realist
054:: i love the fact that i finally have a blog site
055 :: i have been to three of the hawaiian islands: oahu, kauai and the big island
056 :: i have promised myself to visit there again before i die
057 :: i can see certain movies over and over again, because most times i forget how they end
058 :: i came out of the closet to my family and friends when i was 19
059 :: i was dating a girl at the time
060 :: the girl and i are still friends with one another
061 :: i have lived in 5 u.s. cities: philadelphia, boston, key west, atlanta, and houston
062 :: of these, i liked living in atlanta the best
063 :: i sometimes forget people's names, but never their faces...
064 :: ...or their asses
065 :: the longest significant relationship i've ever had lasted nearly 8 years
066 :: i don't mind doing laundry, but i hate matching socks
067 :: i have never flown overseas, but i have traveled outside the u.s.
068 :: (that means that i've visited both canada and mexico)
069 :: i own a cat named badger
070 :: i suppose if i owned a badger, i would have named it cat
071 :: i tested positive for hiv in february 1996
072 :: (so far, so good)
073 :: i have never broken a bone in my body
074 :: i no longer have any living grandparents
075 :: i loved all four of them very much, but i miss my maternal grandfather the most
076 :: (he reminds me most of myself)
077 :: i am an uncle three-times over
078 :: my nephews are the most darling creatures i think i've ever seen
079 :: i hate it sometimes that i live so far away from them and miss seeing them growing up
080 :: my favorite colors are black and blue
081 :: i never wear them at the same time, however, because it would make me look like a bruise
082 :: i own at least a dozen pairs of black shoes and boots
083 :: most of these are kenneth coles
084 :: kenneth cole rocks!
085 :: my current libation of choice is starbucks® triple vinte, nonfat, three splenda® caffè latte
086 :: my libation of choice used to be skyy vodka and cranberry (but that's a story for another time)
087 :: my current drugs of choice are only those prescribed by my doctor
088 :: my drugs of choice used to be blow, tina, and special k (yet another story for another time)
089 :: i consider myself a writer, but deep down inside, i don't think that i'm very good at it

posted by lonestarsteve on tue 21.03.06 7:50 AM

posted by lonestarsteve on mon 20.03.06 7:51 AM

pretty laid-back weekend. not much to be done. not much gotten done. did hit some volleyball yesterday with the lambda boys. always fun. always good for a few laughs. there are some people in the group who play very competitively, and others who are just there for the fellowship.

i'm somewhere in the middle. i like to cut up and have fun, joke, and make everyone laugh.but i've also started to really think about each game strategically. i try to include other players in each set and try to actually get the point. basically, i'm looking to win.

none of us, sans a few, are very good, but we do have a good time. and it beats a meeting any old day.

more photos later of volleyball. we play every saturday at 2 p.m. at an undisclosed location somewhere in houston.

posted by lonestarsteve on sun 19.03.06 1:45 PM

i have been a subscriber to gay.com for the last year, and i will not renew my membership. the system -- at least on my pc -- doesn't work right. and we're talking platinum membership. all the bells and whistles, etc.

case in point: i was online last night, cruising around catching up on my e-mail, and came across this houston hottie to beat all houston hotties. i saw that he was online and couldn't for the life of me get in contact with him. i couldn't private message him, reply to his profile, nothing. i got an e-mail from him this a.m. asking why i didn't private message him last night.

well, my little hottie -- and you know who you are -- this post is for you: gay.com is fucked up on my computer, and although i tried and tried to send you a message, to no avail. so, if you would like to get it on in touch with me, use the above "contact" link. also, all messages that i try to send to you get bounced back. i would really like to get down your pants to know you better, so please reply if you read this.

enough said.

posted by lonestarsteve on sat 18.03.06 8:40 AM

happy st. patrick's day to all you irish folk. and to all of you who just wish you were irish. or to those of you who drink like you're irish.

[mental note to self: go out tonight to find a man that will play with me lucky charms]

better yet, i wonder if riverdance is in town? even still, i wonder how many of my coworkers will call out sick monday?

just the thought makes me feel like celebrating ... erin go brough!

posted by lonestarsteve on fri 17.03.06 7:06 AM

as some of you may already know, i was born under the sign of libra. good traits of some librans include: diplomatic, urbane, romantic, charming, easy-going, sociable, Idealistic, and peaceable. some bad traits (dark-sided) include: indecisive, changeable, gullible, easily infuenced, flirtatious, and self-indulgent.

however you slice it -- and despite the fact that i was born close to the cusp of scorpio -- i am a through-and-through libran. i need these qualities, both bad and good, in my life in order to function properly and be at my happiest.

something has upset this balance lately. i'm displaying too many of the bad traits of my sign and not enough of the good ones. what's up with that? is it because the moon is getting full? could it be hormonal? is it because i'm losing weight? and most importantly, is carrie fisher having the same problem?

all these questions aside, i know that life is cyclical and that balance will resume sometime, hopefully soon. it's just that being out of psynch has a way of playing with one's head, and heart. and sometimes that's not the most comfortable (or desireable) feeling in the world.

posted by lonestarsteve on thu 16.03.06 1:45 PM

i don't feel much like writing this morning. and honestly, there isn't enough going on in my life right now to even serve as fodder for a half-interesting post. so, what i've decided to do is to check in on some of my favorite bloggers to see what they've been up to. the list follows ...

dan is engrossed in a man that can clean ...
david is grateful, but when isn't that queen ...
scott is content with the cool, spring-like weather ...
while jp spouts tyranny, so be smart; don't upset her ...
chad and daigle welcome kelly to san fran with flair ...
(those two hang with porn stars -- life just isn't fair ...)
chase struggles with taxes, it's that time of year ...
todd tries to make pancakes; he can't cook, this is clear ...
dave doesn't want to talk long on the phone ...
we won't hear from jim until he travels back home ...
scott likes his readers, some gay and some straight ...
and andy points out injustice -- he's just such a saint.

posted by lonestarsteve on wed 15.03.06 7:44 AM

macy*s is having a men's sale, ya'll. (men's clothes; not actual men. pity.)

i think i'm going to have to haul my happy ass over there during lunch hour and spend some money that i don't have on jeans that i don't need. what joy, what bliss.

parasuco, seven, antik, sixty, citizens of humanity ... now that's what i call a well-spent lunch hour.

posted by lonestarsteve on tue 14.03.06 8:02 AM

does anyone else out there have problems with gay.com? i just can't get it to work right. i've been trying to send this houston hottie an instant message for, like, an hour now and nothing seems to be happening.

what a metaphor for my life lately. *sigh*

now, get away from your computer and go outside to enjoy this gorgeous fucking day. peace out.

posted by lonestarsteve on sat 11.03.06 12:59 PM

so, i went tanning the other day. i hadn't been in more than a month and i ended up getting rather cooked. i sent a text message to one of my friends a day later:

l.s.s. :: "every inch of my skin still hurts today ... except, for the 9" that i covered while tanning, that is."
my friend's reply :: "why did you cover up one of your feet?"

nice comeback, don't you think? with friends like him ... well, you know how the saying goes. actually, i love making my friends laugh, even if the joke is at my own expense. that kind of thing used to happen to me in high school a lot. the cute boys in my class would make jokes at my expense, most times just making me appear to be stupid and clueless, and i would just allow it to happen. i thought of it as a way to make them like me, accept me. all you queens out there know the drill.

i actually don't know why i just mentioned all that. must have been something in my subconscious that i must have dreamed about last night or something. i never remember my dreams, but threads of thought occur to me the following morning and sometimes i'm able to piece together some images or feelings about what i must have dreamed about.

i realize now that this post is going nowhere, so i'll spare you the agony. it's friday. i'm hoping for a fulfilling weekend. what are your plans?

posted by lonestarsteve on fri 10.03.06 7:42 AM

i think i'm already going through withdraw. tonight is the final (final, as in final) episode of season 2's project runway. can someone please tell me what the hell i'm going to do on wednesday nights now? and i'm not getting sucked into watching 12 weeks of that top chef crap. i think that i'll have the bravo channel disconnected from my cable for now. i need to give reality t.v. a rest for a while.

daniel franco, where did you go? ... i don't care if you cry, but you've got to cry and cut. cry and cut. ... designers, where's andrae? ... what happened to andrae? ... carry on. ... make it work. ... make it work. ... make it work...

tim gunn, you bastard, i think i love you.

posted by lonestarsteve on wed 08.03.06 8:02 AM

-- did you know that you have to pay for your own tuxedo rental, even if you are the best man and the groom's brother? i didn't. but i found out yesterday. needless to say, prices have gone up substantially since renting my tux for junior and senior prom. and, to add insult to injury, payment is due when you order, not when you pick up. there's $150 i'll never see again.

-- did you know that in his video blog, tim gunn tells a story about zulema that is just shocking. a few episodes after zulema was auf wiedersehen'd off the show, tim and the remaining designers were on a field trip and the topic of muslin came up. muslin is the raw cotton material that some designers use to make a rough version of their designs. tim said, "while on the topic of muslin, have you guys been eating the stuff?" he explained that on season 1 of project runway, 2 bolts of muslin were purchased and lasted the entire run of the show. this year, he said, a bolt of muslin needed to be purchased for each and every challenge. the remaining designers explained that zulema would take the muslin bolt when it was delivered to the workroom and place it under her work space and not allow any of the other designers to use it. then tim asked why they didn't make him aware of this unfairness, to which the cast replied that they were all just too scared (of sha-tang-gay!). tim said, had he been one of them -- and in particular santino or nick -- he would have bitch slapped her. trust!

-- did you know that sometimes i am hours late (not just one, but a few) for work? i need to cut this crap, or i'm not going to have a job to come home from each night. i don't mean any disrespect. i just need hours in the morning to do this kind of shit.

happy tuesday, ya'll. people work on tuesday. some more than others.

posted by lonestarsteve on tue 07.03.06 8:10 AM

in just a few more hours, stars will be walking that red rug in l.a. to attend the 78th annual academy awards. before that starts, here are my winning predictions for best actor, best supporting actor, best actress, best supporting actress, best director, and best film.

performance by an actor in a leading role:

philip seymour hoffman in "capote"

terrence howard in "hustle & flow"

heath ledger in "brokeback mountain"

joaquin phoenix in "walk the line"

david strathairn in "good night, and good luck."

heath ledger will pull this one out. he's young, he's hot, and he's never won an oscar. that's all i'm sayin'. besides, i didn't see any of the other movies on this list.

performance by an actor in a supporting role:

george clooney in "syriana"

matt dillon in "crash"

paul giamatti in "cinderella man"

jake gyllenhaal in "brokeback mountain"

william hurt in "a history of violence"

jake gyllenhaal will win. he's young, he's hot, and he's never won an oscar. that's all i'm sayin'. again, i've only seen "brokeback mountain" and "crash."

performance by an actress in a leading role:

judi dench in "mrs. henderson presents"

felicity huffman in "transamerica"

keira knightley in "pride & prejudice"

charlize theron in "north country"

reese witherspoon in "walk the line"

charlize theron will top this category. she's young, she's hot, and even though she's already won an oscar, if you looked like her, wouldn't you deserve two? [reader's cautionary note: i haven't seen any of these films; i'm going by looks alone.]

performance by an actress in a supporting role:

amy adams in "junebug"

catherine keener in "capote"

frances mc dormand in "north country"

rachel weisz in "the constant gardener"

michelle williams in "brokeback mountain"

catherine keener will win. i didn't see "capote," but i liked her in "the 40-year-old virgin."

achievement in directing:

"brokeback mountain" - ang lee

"capote" - bennett miller

"crash" - paul haggis

"good night, and good luck." - george clooney

"munich" - steven spielberg

i think that ang lee will take home the oscar. the only other movie that i've seen from this list was "crash." besides, he's already won at least one academy award, because he's holding one in this picture.

best motion picture of the year:

"brokeback mountain"

"capote"

"crash"

"good night, and good luck."

"munich"

"capote" will take top prize. besides, i feel guilty for not picking philip seymour hoffman for best actor.

posted by lonestarsteve on sun 05.03.06 9:08 AM

i know what you're wondering: "why the fuck didn't that bitch write her weekly project runway report? she's only got 2 weeks left, for jesus' sake."

well, i have to tell you, this past wednesday's airing of project runway didn't impress me much. don't get me wrong; i'm still wild-crazy about the show and i can't wait until next week's final episode. but, i've stopped caring about who will win. i think that all 3 of the final designers are winners in their own right. (it was one hell of a season to make it through to the end). i will especially be watching next week to see what the final 3 whip up for their 13th look (i thought that chloe was going to have a nervous breakdown when tim gunn and heidi klum told them about that "final challenge"). santino said that he would be sending his 13th model down the runway at fashion week wearing nothing but pasties and a maxi pad. can't wait...

that said, i guess i'm also going through some sadness that the season is drawing to a close. over the last few weeks, i've been on bravo's web site watching tons of extra video footage that never made the show. one precious gem is transcribed below. the 16 original contestants were asked what their wednesday night ritual was for watching the show. miss heidi standridge, eliminated in episode 1, replied: "my friend, amanda lauren, comes over and we watch the show together and we usually order a large pizza with ranch dressing and cinnamon sticks and we eat all of it and drink water because that's healthy."

why did they ever cut that simple-dress country girl so early on in the season? our loss, for sure.

also, yesterday my blog hits count was up substantially. although i know that this is probably due to all those freaks doing searches for project runway fodder (perhaps even santino rice himself, who admitted to reading just about everything he could place his hands on about the show), i thought at first it might be due to some straight guys doing searches for "pussy on the brain" -- the title of my last post.

i bet they were disappointed.

posted by lonestarsteve on fri 03.03.06 2:08 PM

can i just say, that i fucking love my cat.

posted by lonestarsteve on wed 01.03.06 8:16 AM