30.11.05 :: i'm dreaming of a tasteless christmas...

with thanksgiving come and gone, families and retailers alike can now concentrate on the real spirit of the season: commercialism.

in the office building where i work, the property management company every year outdoes itself with "decorating" for the holiday season. yesterday i just couldn't resist capturing on film this year's take on "what christmas means to corporate america."

the display is in a lobby area right off the bank of garage elevators, so workers -- including myself -- are forced to walk past the wintry scene everyday until new year's, maybe even longer.

what struck me funny about the decorations this year was the color scheme: white and gold. is this supposed to symbolize wealth and virginity? off to the side of this year's display stands this golden vase of gold-encrusted flowers atop a gold pedestal. on first glance, the flowers appear to be dead, but i'm sure that the layers of gold paint have preserved their beauty for years (and years) to come.

so i say to you: what the hell? i just want to know what it is all about, you know?

adding insult to injury, once you make it past the pedestal, workers -- who are now just trying to avert their eyes -- are visually accosted by this tacky tri-tree display. as you can see, the trees are swathed in a gold lemay fabric so that ... i don't even know why. beneath the trees is this white bird, seemingly looking for something, or pecking at the ornaments, or grazing, or wondering what the fabric is for ... again, i don't know why.

so is it just me, or does nothing say christmas more than an albino peacock? help me with this one, please. and calgone, take me far away from this mess! i've been such a good boy this year.

posted by lonestarsteve on wed 30.11.05 7:53 AM

what a weekend. holiday or not, i've never been more exhausted in my life. i was so looking forward to the houston round up, and during the entire time i had to put up this front that i was in a great mood and ok with life. the truth is that i just wasn't. but i tried not to bring anyone else down with me. and when i felt like i would probably bring those around me down, i disassociated from them. i did this to protect them. to keep them happy.

but i did more at the round up than i expected to. i heard 4 out of the 5 speakers -- each were simply incredible. and i attended a handful of workshops. and i saw the play and attended the banquet. sometimes it was torture to sit there among friends and pretend to have a good time, but i made it through and got to the other side. i sure did enjoy meeting jim and dan from minneapolis. i didn't get to hang out with them as much as i wanted to, but talking with them was fab. i may just have to fly up to minnesota for a visit sometime soon.

otherwise, my gentle readers, i'm slowly getting back into the swing of things. i'm trying not to be such an überbitch and taking things out on those around me.

posted by lonestarsteve on tue 29.11.05 7:15 AM

i haven't been writing as much because i've been busy giving this blog site some much-needed -- and long-overdue -- attention. for instance, if you click the "links" link above, you will see that i've updated my blogroll with the sites that i visit and read on a pretty regular basis. what was most interesting about compiling this list this time around was realizing the diversity of the bloggers that i read. of course a majority -- if not all -- of the bloggers on the list are gay men, which is something that i should probably change eventually. or expand upon, anyway. afterall it's a wide-wide-wide world out there, and nothing can be gained if you don't take a trip outside the box every now and again. but i digress.

otherwise, the list consists of a vast cross-section of the gay microcosm: some bloggers are young (some even milk-money young), old older, conservative, liberal, sleezy, uptight, single, coupled, creative, in recovery, drinking and drugging up a storm, talented, just-getting-by-on-their-looks, etc. and i love them all. i really do. i, myself, do not blog enough, so i've been told. most times this is due to the fact that i take too much time in the mornings to read from the lives of so many other people. but, i do what i can when i have something to say.

i guess the point of all this is to thank those out there in the blogosphere for their daily contribution to my life. i don't know what i would do without you guys. you really do enrich my life in some sad, twisted way. and for that, i am most grateful.

posted by lonestarsteve on fri 18.11.05 8:19 AM

last night, like the big loser that i am -- although, in my defense, i was very tired from work -- i stayed home and watched t.v.

in surfing channels, i happened upon fox's domestic reality show, trading spouses. last night's episode, which swapped spouses from the free-thinking d’amico-flisher family hailing from boxborough, mass., and the perrin clan from ponchatoula, la., was not one to miss.

the star of the show was the perrin family's matriarch, marguerite, who opted to have a meltdown in front of her family -- not to mention the millions watching -- after returning home from spending 2 weeks with the "dark-sided" d'amico-flishers. and what a meltdown it was.

a quick search for her name on any internet search engine will get you footage from the show. that's not my point in writing this. i came away from the show with mixed feelings about what i'd seen. maybe it's because i'm a libra and can so very easily see both sides of certain situations, but i found myself able to identify with marguerite's point of view.

most of the stuff you'll undoubtedly read about her will bash her actions. that's the easiest way to discount what she said and did during her public rant. and she may very well be mentally ill. and don't get me wrong, i think that the woman is definitely (and dangerously) closed-minded.

but what i admired most about marguerite was her conviction in her beliefs. her strong will and steadfast viewpoint was painfully apparent. think about it though: would you rather believe in something with such passion, or believe in nothing at all?

posted by lonestarsteve on thu 10.11.05 8:10 AM

friday, finally. i've been living for weekends lately. not good, but just the way it is. i've been overwhelmed by details. technology. isolation. health issues. life.

that said, i'm really hoping for some goodness to come my way soon. i'm tired of searching for it. i'm in waiting mode. it's fall. it's cool. it's all good.

thank you, lamya, for full frontal fridays. it's just how i feel today. where did your web site go? it rocked.

i sleep and dream that life is all beauty.
i wake and find that life is all just duty.
but in the days before the dilution, music pollution,
oh we positively sparkled on t.v.

yeah from full frontal fridays to flashback ruby tuesdays.
same old picture in a brand new frame, but the song remains the same.
the first time was better, playing by new rules, age-old-game -
double the pressure, half the pleasure.

city full of windows and design,
towering towers of lies to climb and climb and climb.
dreams of the view, view from the top, pushing for the pressure to drop.
don't want to end where the mistery stops.

i wanne be where the sun never sets on a city that never skips a beat.
sun always shines on a set that never sleeps.
sound bites. set betting our hedges, trapped in the meshes, stuck in the marshes.
and only time, time, time marches on...

posted by lonestarsteve on fri 04.11.05 8:23 AM

what is it about october in general -- and halloween in particular -- that brings a gay boy to his knees! or should i say knee-highs? as in stockings. as in women's clothing. as in androgenous gear. as in dressing up like a freak and parading around the streets like a common hooker...

well, it happened again this year. but i must say that it was more fun than i can remember having in a long time. my outfit came together at the last minute, and i was joined by partners in crime: robin and brandon. when we were through getting ready at my apartment, it looked as though a flock of las vegas showgirls had swooped down to prepare for their last performance at the golden nugget. jesus! so much make-up, so many feathers, so much spandex. it was sick. [note to self: i'm getting way, way too old for this shit].

that said, the photographic evidence is below. my "costume" was a combination of liza minelli-meets-glam rock-meets-punk-meets-starving-sex-worker-meets-cloris-leachman. it was wrong on so many levels i can't even begin to tell you. but, like i said before, it was about having fun and the shock value of it all. my mother and father would be so very proud, let me just tell you.

so, enjoy the pictures. life is way too short to live it as just one sex. make sure you mix it up a bit.

posted by lonestarsteve on tue 01.11.05 7:24 AM