14.06.05 :: it's tuesday. people work on tuesday

this past weekend just flew by. totally. and it's already tuesday. and work already is starting to suck for the week. i don't know why i have such a hang-up with work. could it be that i'm not grateful?

yesterday i woke up with the worst attitude about work. about people. about life. i couldn't shake it. i wasn't tired. i wasn't hungry. i wasn't lonely. i just had this "leave-me-the-fuck-alone-or-i'll-cut-you" attitude.

so, i did what any sane human being would do: when i got home from work, i closed and locked my front door, turned on the tv, laid on the sofa, and isolated. no phone calls. no going outside. no nothing.

that said, i'm in a little better place this morning. i managed to size these photos that brandon and i had taken a few weekends ago. hope you like. brandon was the one to do all the computer-generated shit to them. that is far beyond my capabilities.

posted by lonestarsteve on tue 14.06.05 7:22 AM

sorry. i just couldn't resist. i seem to be taking the route of so many other bloggers before me: resorting to smut to raise readership. but it's a pretty picture, yes? i thought so too.

nothing major planned for the weekend. i have to get blood drawn in about 1/2 hour to check if anything has changed internally since 3 months ago. i've been making a conscious effort this year to see the doctor every quarter rather than my usual visits every 6 to 12 months. better for me. better for everyone i know.

there's a car wash at the center tomorrow morning. bring those dirty cars, and i'll scrub 'em down. five dollars never went so far.

peace. good weekends to all. nothing like 48 hours of doing absolutely nothing at all...

posted by lonestarsteve on fri 10.06.05 9:03 AM

i'm so ashamed for pulling that cheap stunt in yesterday's post. i guess i decided to throw a pity party and only invited myself. not that i've been feeling down, or lonely, or depressed. i guess i just wanted some sense of validation. of purpose. of being needed. we all go through it. we can be at the top of our game sometimes, and we still want more. human nature, i suppose. but to those of you who spread the love, i really do appreciate it. and i apologize for insulting your intelligence. you deserve better. and i will do my level best to provide it for you.

that said, this photo is a holdover from my l.a. trip (i took a lot of pictures on that trip). this is brad's 3-year-old cat, rambo, who -- when i laid down beside to get some man-cat loving one morning -- thought i was the milk truck come-a-callin' and began kneeding on my voluptuous breasts to get some breakfast. needless to say, he came up empty. and i left the situation feeling dazed and confused. did he really just want me for my milk, or did rambo honestly enjoy my companionship?

cat's are such mysterious creatures.

posted by lonestarsteve on thu 09.06.05 7:57 AM

pay no attention to the guy waking from his dream on the right. he has nothing to do with what i'm about to write.

you see, my web site traffic has been slowly but steadily dropping off and i figured that this half-assed attempt at catching your eye, gentle reader, might just boost my readership beyond the two dedicated individuals who faithfully check in with me to see what's going on in my small, southern life.

desperate? yes. cheap? definitely. necessary? i think so. not only that, but i stole the picture from another web site. sure did. i just cropped out their logo. if the pesky logo wasn't there, i would have been able to reveal more of sleeping beauty's legs. pity. damned copyrights. i'll surely burn in hell for my actions. and i'll probably lose the two last readers that i have.

so was this the best choice? probably not. but i'm late for work, and i'm bored with it.

posted by lonestarsteve on wed 08.06.05 8:10 AM

thanks to monday's memorial day holiday, this 4-day work week is flying by. i think that every work week should be 4 days long; we'd all probably get more done. work hard, play hard, right?

last night i attended a cma meeting. i've been to about a dozen such meetings since getting clean and sober in january 2003. drinking was my main problem, but drugs were definitely a part of my story.

following in the footsteps of a many major u.s. cities, houston has a handful of fledgling cma meetings organizing themselves and cropping up here and there. the need is dire for such groups, in my opinion, particularly within the gay community. what a devastating effect this particular drug has had -- and still has -- on our people, particularly the young. that was plainly illustrated when the sign-up sheet was passed around the room and all the clean dates listed ended with "2005." jeez-us! even the meeting's leader for the night had, i swear, about 30 seconds of clean time.

i know firsthand that tina had a hold on me at one point -- she is a wicked, wicked beast! she made me do things that i would have never even considered doing otherwise. and she made me feel like complete shit after it was all over.

i still have friends -- one in particular -- who are still a slave to her. it's sad standing by and watching her infiltrate thier lives. so completely powerless, us.

posted by lonestarsteve on thu 02.06.05 8:08 AM

some random shots left over from my l.a. trip. and, per usual, i'm running late for work. i do not want to go to work today. it's pouring rain outside anyway. i don't want to get it wet.

i want a brand new job. i want a brand new outlook on life. i want a brand new pair of rollerskates...

not making much sense? yeah, well you should walk a mile in my kenneth coles. because it doesn't make sense most of the time. it just doesn't.

just when you think you have it figured out, life throws you to the lions and devours you: chews you up, masticating on your head like it was a small green-skinned grape.

so, to work i go. earn my keep. keep my place. place my hand. hand my tongue. tongue my speech. speak my mind. mind my manners.

posted by lonestarsteve on wed 01.06.05 8:17 AM