31.01.05 :: seven hundred thirty days

on saturday night i formally celebrated my 2-year recovery milestone. it was a magical night for me. in attendance were my ex-partner, my former sponsor, my current sponsor, a few ex-boyfriends, as well as many, many friends.

i wanted to thank those who attended the celebration and those who gave me cards. not much more to say about it other than i will always remember the event. i also wanted to say that i feel much differently this year than i did a year ago after rounding the 1-year mark. i feel like i have a better handle on what it is i would like to accomplish and i have definitely gotten to know myself better over the last year.

onward and upward, i say. happy birthday to me.

posted by lonestarsteve on mon 31.01.05 8:00 AM

tori will be releasing her new album, the beekeeper, on feb. 22.

in her own words, the album "is musically inspired by the fact that the piano has realized that she has an organ -- with my right hand on her organ and my left hand on her piano keys, i have been changed by the relationship between these two beautiful creatures, the bosendorfer piano and the b3 hammond organ."

her first single, sleeps with butterflies, is already hitting radio airwaves.

this weekend, tori's site says that she will be busy shooting the video for the new single. it says, "she's tapped laurent brier to direct her latest video endeavor. he's worked with the likes of radiohead, red hot chili peppers, and aphex twins. rumor is she's chosen to work with laurent because his concepts are hugely influenced by illustrators and painters, similar to tori's."

can't wait, my dear. she's also set to start touring apr. 1. please come to houston, babe!

posted by lonestarsteve on thu 27.01.05 7:14 AM

i just got this framed jackson pollock print, convergence, painted by the american abstract expressionist in 1952, just 4 years before he died in a car crash.

i've always liked his style: huge canvasses laid out on the floor of his barn-turned studio in east hampton, new york; the throwing, drizzling, and splattering of strings of paint; the addition of sand and pieces of glass. amazing. the original work is nearly 8 ft by 13 ft.

pollock and his wife, fellow artist lee krasner, lived in the east hampton home from the mid-1940s until his death in 1956.

the movie, pollock, released in late 2000 and directed by and staring ed harris, tells the story of this artist. his painting technique had almost nothing to do with the effect he created. his painting, instead, was about the process itself -- a form of performance art.

pollock was a serious alcoholic, which is another reason i can identify with his work. his paintings show a lot of that struggle and pain and confusion.

posted by lonestarsteve on wed 26.01.05 7:10 AM

feeling stuck. in a rut. need some quick answers to some of the complex questions that are swirling about in this crazy, mixed up head o' mine.

lately hours have been fading into days into weeks into months. can't let that happen. i want so much to stay in the moment and not miss out on what's been given me. but so much of what's been given me has strings attached and i want to pull and pull and get to the source of things. unravel. reveal. understand.

so, for now, give me the strength to wait patiently. answers will come -- not when i want them to, but rather when they're intended to.

posted by lonestarsteve on tue 18.01.05 7:14 AM

just discovered that a handful of people accidentally happen upon this site while searching for tanline photos. now there's something to be known for. trust.

i don't know quite how this makes me feel.

posted by lonestarsteve on fri 14.01.05 6:35 AM

while picking up a few things at the grocery store last night, i spotted in the bakery isle one of those god-awful, multicolored king cakes. you know, the ones that are every unnatural color of the rainbow? it had a tiny golden baby taped to the inside of the lid, i guess to be jammed somewhere inside the gaudy pastry for an unsuspecting consumer to bite down on and break a tooth.

my thought was: mardi gras is less than a month away. i've never been to new orleans, but i've collected my fair share of beads over the years. would it be worth a trip? do people have fun there, or is it just insanely crazy? has anyone ever even remembered their trip to mardi gras in new orleans?

these are just some of the things i will ponder whilst i dust off my beads. let me know your experiences if you've ever been. i'd love to know...

posted by lonestarsteve on wed 12.01.05 7:01 AM

one of the strangest things (and most difficult to grasp) about having a personal blog site is how completely exposed you feel. [i'm not playing victim here; i realize that every blogger brings the exposure on him or herself]. but it's kind of intriguing to think about just who is checking in on you -- silently -- on your life, on your thoughts, on your escapades.

some might check in just once and never come back (i was better off without them, really). but others might check in every week, some even every day.

i've thought of tracking my site for a long time now, but i'm not going to go through the expense of getting anything fancy. i don't really care, to be honest. but dustie did help me to install a simple tracker that would count hits and track countries of origin.

i was stunned to discover hits from as many countries as there were: canada, germany, switzerland, the uk, france, australia, romania, and japan. who knew? i sure as hell didn't.

so, shout out to the globe: leave a comment, sign my guestbook, or send an e-mail. let me know what you are thinking, or not thinking. (just don't leave any hateful, bitter comments like dustie got the other day).

my skin isn't quite as thick as miss dustie's, and you'll make me lose my cool.

posted by lonestarsteve on mon 10.01.05 11:02 PM

i'll be leaving in a few hours for austin. 3-hr road trip, but i'm hoping to make it under 2.5 hr. i'm going to visit this guy (isn't it always about a guy? i ask you...) who i've been seeing for the last few months. he's incredible, and i can't wait to see him. i don't know what we're going to be doing for the weekend, but i can think of a few things [insert list of lewd acts here].

everyone, have good weekends. check in again sunday.

posted by lonestarsteve on fri 07.01.05 9:48 AM

no time to write this morning, but it was killing me not to be 'on record' for 2005 yet, lazy puck that i am.

my holidays were fine, fun and all. actually, new year's eve was a bust, but that's another story. as the saying goes, i'm glad that they are behind me now. let the new year begin.

no real concrete resolutions on hand, per se. just plan to keep on keepin' on. 2004 was filled with discovery and i hope to continue the same this year. maybe if i get to the gym on a semi-regular basis, i can post more that just a head shot of my ugly mug every now and then. (i'm starting to wonder if i'm not just some floating head with no body.)

aren't you?

posted by lonestarsteve on tue 04.01.05 8:06 AM