27.07.04 :: people work on tuesday

i'm not good for shit when i wake up in the mornings. but just give this boy a little caffeine and some nicotine, and she'll be just fine. thank god for chemicals that stimulate and animate. legal chemicals, that is. i wish that i had today off from work, but i don't. it's tuesday...people work on tuesday.

but in other news, two good things have happened. my friend brad (sweetly) transferred his gym membership to my name (he won't be able to use it once he leaves) and i now have a place to work out again. and i'm going to use it. in a big way. and i'm going to quit smoking (you read it here first).

also, since one of the best ways to snap yourself out of a funk is to have something to look forward to, i've planned a trip over the labor day holiday. atlanta, here i come! looking forward to seeing my best friend, beck, as well as spending some quality time with this one.

have a good tuesday. now get to work!

posted by lonestarsteve on tue 27.07.04 8:02 AM

i haven't been blogging much this month. what gives? well, it's been a sad couple of weeks for me. my good friend and mentor, brad, is moving to l.a. this tuesday. i've known about his move for more than a month now and yet i wasn't prepared to say goodbye to him last night. i had been living in denial about his move and then last night, like a ton of bricks, it hit me. i turned to him to say, "so, i'll see you tomorrow..." and then realized that i wouldn't see him. and although we will still be able to call one another long-distance, it just won't be the same without him around town. i'm probably going to be pretty twisted about this for the next few weeks, but i guess i'll get through it. and i know that i'll be able to visit him sometime in the very near future.

i wish him well on his journey and in his new life in l.a. i know that he'll be a big success. and i cannot thank him enough for all the things that he's taught me over the year-and-a-half that i've known him. i love him dearly, and will miss very much having him here in houston.

posted by lonestarsteve on sun 25.07.04 11:57 AM

yesterday was a very special day for me. i'd been waiting for it for, well, 548 days to be exact. and since reaching this milestone in my life, i've come to realize what the depressive episodes last weekend were all about. people tend to get to feeling that way upon reaching an important milestone in their lives. and that was true of me. you feel uncomfortable in your own skin, you want to run and hide, you simply don't want to be present. but, like all periods of bad feelings, you pass through them. you wake up one morning and everything that was bad is behind you. your outlook has changed. you feel yourself again. this is what has happened to me. i'm one of the lucky ones, and i know it.

i'm a different person that i was a year and a half ago. hopefully i'm a better person, but i'm definitely different, to say the least. and for this, i am truly grateful.

posted by lonestarsteve on sat 17.07.04 9:58 AM

i have nothing motivating me today. there's nothing. i don't want to go in to work, i don't want to stay home, i don't want to be seen in public, i don't want to be alone.

i'm better off today, however, than i was this past weekend. i must have slept for a total of 16 hours on saturday. sounds like depression, doesn't it? it could be. the only thing is, i don't really have anything to be depressed about. i'm healthy, i have a place to live, i've got friends and family.

so what's all this about then? what gives? there are no excuse for this madness. i need to get showered, get dressed, and face the world.

denial, it turns out, can sometimes be a tired old queen's best friend.

posted by lonestarsteve on wed 14.07.04 8:04 AM

lately, i've been feeling kind of down, but tonight really lifted my spirits. i went out to dinner with some friends and it made me realize what a drama queen i am. when a group of people are around me, i always have to have the attention focused on me. i have to tell the best jokes. i have to make everybody laugh. i have to impress. guilty as charged.

call it a serious character flaw, but that's the way i am, and that's the way i've always been. life of the party. never boring. always "on."

so, is awareness of this fact enough, or do i have to change? i don't know the answer to that question. such a libra, me. can never decide on anything. yet another flaw. yikes.

an observation: while riding the elevator at work the other day (why do such strange things always happen to me on the elevator at work?) i saw this fat guy actually use his set of car keys to open a bag of potato chips! i was like, what? honey, if you can't even muster the strength in those flabby arms of yours to even pry open a bag of chips unassisted...

houston, we have a (weight) problem.

posted by lonestarsteve on 09.07.04 11:48 PM

back from my trip home. my family was doing fine. the party was an absolute success. my parents were completely surprised and shocked. i made brownies for the event, even though there was cake as well. my nephew was adorable. i got to see some relatives who i haven't seen in a while. i also visited with some friends. the trip was too short. funny how traveling sometimes puts you in a dreamworld of sorts. back to reality now. i must work, work, work to make up for lost time. i need a vacation bad.

posted by lonestarsteve on thu 08.07.04 7:57 AM